The Horse Dentist

I arrived at the Ondara riding school today and was greeted with the most horrific teeth grinding noise I had ever heard.  Now teeth being the appropriate word here, I was then blinded by a terrifying display of the most sadomasochistic, medieval tools I had ever seen. 

Thankfully it turned out to be the horses getting their teeth done.  Yes, horses have dentists, mmmmm - sorry just imaging them with braces. So I watched in amazement as an implement resembling something from a gynecologist’s office wedged open one of my favorite horse’s mouths.  Poor old Jack Daniels, a 7 year old 15.2hh grey was having his mouth prized open in order to file down his back teeth.  In a bucket next to him stood an array of implements that wouldn’t look out of place in a Hitchcock movie. 

Fascinated I stood watching my mate Jo Harrod, a wee whip of a girl, 5ft 4 and no more that 60 kilos, chase round after this beast of a horse with her hands in his mouth planing away for all she was worth. Now I for one know how I react in a dentist’s chair so the fact that it took another 2 people to hold Jack didn’t surprise me at all,  but after 10 minutes of hard slog and lots of dancing round very big and heavy hoofs it was done.

Later after a calming cup of tea Jo explained to me some of the reasons why horses need to have their teeth done on a regular basis.  Apparently horse’s teeth never stop growing, and if they are left unchecked it can cause a whole array of problems.   The main one being that they don’t perform as well because they are in so much pain.  I guess with a metal bit stuck in your mouth it would be uncomfortable, especially if your teeth were scraping on it all the time.  Ohh nails on a blackboard moment. So if your horse isn’t performing as well as you know he can, or has rank breath in the morning, perhaps it’s time to get him his six month check up, at least he wont have sit in the waiting room anxiously listening to the sound of a drill like the rest of us do.

So on to my lesson this week.  Well apparently David felt that my seat was not as it should be. I don’t like it when a man comments disdainfully on my seat!  I just wasn’t getting what he meant, so he broke it down for me.  “Boobs on full beam” he said “Point them skyward”.  Now even a dizzy blonde knows what that means, and within 5 minutes I had got it.  Then we moved on to my canter.  I had purposely worn my best and most supportive sports bra because I knew he was going to put me though the paces.  After much buttock bouncing and a potential black eye he called a halt to it, and again tried to explain where I was going wrong.  “Think  tight and pert and squeeze for all your worth” he said. Well, after that pep talk I was well away with images of gorgeous bodybuilding hunks flexing there pert postures, and the rest of the lesson went by in a flash of baby oil. 

So as you can see I am being put through the paces, but progressing very well.  I am attempting jumping over the next few weeks on their fantastic 5000m cross country course.  Knowing me I should have a very intimate knowledge of the local flora after coming off a few times, but negative thinking aside I can’t wait.  So watch out you Whitaker’s, Olympics 2008 here I come.

Until next time Tally Ho Chaps

Jo